i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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