apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
