I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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