And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How's work?
Spinning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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