the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
