Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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