Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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