This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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