I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She even gives head with a lisp.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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