this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize