when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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