Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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