how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
