is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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