Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
