I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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