You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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