So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
