i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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