I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
