FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Randomize
