due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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