Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
