I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
