I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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