Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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