thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ruined the universe
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
