toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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