yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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