I wish I could teleport
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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