just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
