he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
