Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
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How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I party with great urgency now.
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