Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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