saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
