SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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