it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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