I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.