Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride