Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know