I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
