walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
being pregnant is like rehab
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
