naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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