I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
