YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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