Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
