Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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