She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
