I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
