I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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