"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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