is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
