I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
