every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
