I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
