The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
