My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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