What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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