it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
