I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
