So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
