he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
