Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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