Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
