how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
