Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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