you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
