you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
