Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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