Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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