I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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